How to Listen Well to Your Kids and Teens with Anxiety: Why It Matters and What You Can Do

Photo of African American father and teen son sitting on a couch with their arms around each other shoulders, talking and smiling. Photo could represent the confidence this teen is feeling since talking more to his parents and completing online anxiety counseling for kids and teens with Briefly Counseling in Illinois and Florida.

As parents, one of the most meaningful things you can do for your kids and teens—especially if they struggle with anxiety—is to listen. Not just hear their words, but truly *listen*. Listening well creates a space where they feel safe, validated, and understood. This is critical because kids and teens with anxiety often experience overwhelming thoughts and emotions and knowing they can rely on you to listen without judgment can make a world of difference.

But listening well isn’t as simple as it sounds. It requires intention, patience, and sometimes learning new ways to connect with your child. In this post, I’ll explore why listening is so important, and I’ll share some practical tips and strategies to help you become a better listener for your child or teen.

Why Listening Matters for Anxious Kids and Teens

When children and teens experience anxiety, they often feel alone in their worries. They may think their feelings are irrational, and the fear of judgment or misunderstanding can keep them from opening up. If they don’t feel heard, this can intensify their anxiety and lead to feelings of isolation. Here’s why listening matters:

Validates their emotions

Anxiety can make kids and teens question whether their feelings are valid. By actively listening, you send the message that their emotions matter, even if you don’t fully understand what they’re going through.

Builds trust and connection

When you listen well, you show that you’re a safe and supportive presence in their lives. This strengthens your relationship and lets your child know they can come to you when things get tough.

Helps them process their anxiety

Sometimes, just talking about their anxiety can help kids and teens begin to make sense of it. When you provide a space for them to express their feelings without fear, they can start to process and cope with what they’re experiencing.

Prevents bottling up of emotions

If kids and teens don’t feel listened to, they might suppress their anxiety. This can lead to bigger emotional outbursts or make their anxiety worse in the long run. Encouraging open communication helps them release these emotions in healthy ways.

Improves mental health outcomes

Research shows that when kids and teens feel supported by their parents, they are more likely to develop healthy coping strategies. They may also feel less overwhelmed by their anxiety when they know they have someone to lean on.

Tips and Strategies to Listen Well

Now that we understand why listening is so important, let’s dive into practical ways you can improve your listening skills. These tips can help you create a space where your child or teen feels truly heard.

Be present

When your child or teen opens up to you, it’s crucial to give them your full attention. This means putting down your phone, turning off the TV, and stepping away from distractions. Your presence communicates that what they’re saying is important to you.

How to be present:

Make eye contact to show you’re engaged.
Nod or use small verbal cues like “I see” or “go on” to encourage them to continue talking.
If you’re in the middle of something and can’t give your full attention, be honest and set a time to talk later, but make sure you follow through.

Listen without judgment

One of the biggest barriers to open communication is fear of judgment. When kids and teens feel like their parents will criticize, dismiss, or minimize their feelings, they’ll hesitate to share. Instead, try to listen with empathy and understanding, even if what they’re saying doesn’t seem rational to you.

How to listen without judgment:

Avoid phrases like “That’s silly” or “You shouldn’t feel that way.”
Instead of jumping to conclusions or solutions, focus on understanding their perspective.
Validate their feelings by saying things like, “I can see why that would make you anxious” or “It sounds like that’s really hard for you.”

Ask open-ended questions

Sometimes it can be hard for kids and teens to articulate what’s causing their anxiety. By asking open-ended questions, you give them the opportunity to express themselves more fully. Avoid questions that can be answered with a simple “yes” or “no,” as these can shut down the conversation.

Examples of open-ended questions:

“Can you tell me more about what’s been on your mind lately?”
“What was the hardest part of your day today?”
“How do you feel when that happens?”

Open-ended questions encourage a deeper conversation and help your child explore their feelings more clearly.

Resist the urge to fix the problem

As a parent, it’s natural to want to jump in and fix whatever is making your child anxious. But sometimes, kids and teens don’t need solutions right away—they just need someone to listen. Offering solutions too quickly can make them feel like their feelings are being brushed aside, or that they should simply “get over” their anxiety.

How to resist fixing:

Focus on listening and empathizing first. You can say things like, “That sounds really tough” or “I’m so sorry you’re going through this.”
If they seem open to it, you can ask, “Would you like help figuring this out, or do you just need to vent?”
Give them the space to come to solutions on their own or with your gentle guidance.

Be patient

Kids and teens with anxiety may take time to open up. They might not always be ready to talk when you are, or they might start and then shut down. It’s important to be patient and give them the time they need to express themselves without rushing them.

How to be patient:

If they don’t want to talk right away, let them know that’s okay. You can say, “I’m here whenever you’re ready to talk.”
Avoid pushing them to share more than they’re comfortable with. Sometimes, a few words at a time is all they can manage.
Remember that opening up about anxiety can be hard, and it might take several conversations before they feel fully comfortable sharing everything.

Reflect back what you hear

Reflecting back what your child or teen is saying can help them feel understood and ensure that you’re on the same page. This doesn’t mean repeating their exact words but rather summarizing or paraphrasing to show you’re actively engaged in the conversation.

How to reflect:

“It sounds like you’re really worried about tomorrow’s test, is that right?”
“So, when your friend didn’t text back, you started feeling really anxious?”
“You’re saying that you feel anxious whenever you have to present in front of the class?”

This technique also helps you clarify any misunderstandings and gives them a chance to correct or elaborate on what they’re feeling.

Acknowledge the small wins

Dealing with anxiety can feel like a constant battle for kids and teens, so it’s important to recognize and celebrate their efforts, even when the progress seems small. Acknowledging their courage to talk about their anxiety or take steps to manage it reinforces positive behavior and helps build their confidence.

How to acknowledge wins:

“I’m really proud of you for telling me how you’re feeling.”
“I know how hard it was for you to go to that party, and I’m really impressed that you went.”
“It sounds like you’ve been working really hard to handle your anxiety. That’s amazing.”

Celebrating these moments helps your child feel seen and supported in their journey.

Final Thoughts

Listening well to your child or teen with anxiety isn’t always easy, but it’s one of the most important things you can do to support them. By being present, listening without judgment, and showing patience and empathy, you create a space where they feel safe to express their feelings. This not only strengthens your relationship but also empowers them to manage their anxiety with confidence.

Remember, you don’t have to have all the answers. Sometimes, just being there and listening is enough. Your willingness to be present, to truly hear them, and to walk alongside them in their struggles will have a lasting impact on their mental and emotional well-being.

Begin Online Anxiety Therapy for Kids and Teens in Illinois and Florida!

If your child or teen is struggling with anxiety, there is hope! Anxiety is highly treatable and online anxiety treatment at Briefly Counseling can help.

Using Solution-Focused Brief Therapy, I help kids and teens reduce their anxiety and build resilience so they can become a happier, more confident version of themselves.

And kids love being able to receive counseling from the comfort and privacy of their own home. Studies have consistently proven that online therapy delivers equal results to in-office counseling.

As an experienced and caring therapist, I love providing counseling for anxiety. To start your child’s counseling journey, call me at 224-236-2296 or complete my Contact Form to schedule a FREE 20-minute consultation.

Helena Madsen, MA, LCPC is the founder of Briefly Counseling. I specialize in providing online short-term anxiety treatment for kids and teens ages 7 – 18 as well as Christian counseling.

Whether you’re on the North Shore, in Naperville, Chicago, Champaign, Barrington, Libertyville, Glenview, or downstate Illinois, I can help.

And effective 2024, I am now licensed in Florida! For parents in Jacksonville, Pensacola, Destin, Crestview, Coral Gables, Weston, Parkland, Naples, Marco Island, and Pinecrest, I have immediate openings.

Schedule your appointment or consultation today. I look forward to working with your child to quickly and effectively help them in activating their strengths, resources, and resilience, in order to live with confidence and hope.