Overthinking Everything: 8 Ways to Help Your Child

Does your child spend hours worrying about a single mistake? Do they get stuck analyzing every conversation, trying to figure out if they said the “wrong” thing? If so, they may struggle with overthinking—a common challenge for kids and teens with anxiety.

Overthinking can lead to unnecessary stress, indecision, and avoidance of activities they once enjoyed. As a parent, you can play a key role in helping your child break free from the cycle of overthinking and develop healthier thought patterns.

Why Do Kids Overthink?

Overthinking is a cognitive pattern in which kids dwell on thoughts excessively, often to control outcomes or prevent bad things from happening. Several factors contribute to overthinking in children and teens, including:

1. Anxiety and Perfectionism: Kids who are naturally anxious or perfectionistic tend to overanalyze situations, fearing they will make a mistake or disappoint others.
2. A Desire for Certainty: Many children feel uncomfortable with uncertainty and overthink to gain control over unpredictable situations.
3. Fear of Judgment: Adolescents, in particular, worry about how they are perceived by peers, leading them to replay social interactions in their minds.
4. Overactive Imaginations: Some kids create elaborate “what-if” scenarios that escalate their worries, making problems seem bigger than they actually are.
5. Cognitive Development: Younger children and preteens are still learning how to manage their emotions and thoughts, which can lead to repetitive worrying.

What Overthinking Looks Like

Overthinking presents differently in each child, but here are some common examples:

• Indecisiveness: Your 12-year-old daughter spends 30 minutes deciding which outfit to wear to a friend’s birthday party, fearing she will make the “wrong” choice.
• Rumination on past events: Your 14-year-old son replays a class presentation over and over in his head, convinced he embarrassed himself despite receiving positive feedback.
• Fear of making the wrong choice: Your 10-year-old keeps asking if they should take the bus or have you pick them up, listing out every possible downside of each option.
• Avoidance of new experiences: Your 8-year-old refuses to try a new sport because they keep imagining themselves failing in front of everyone.
• Excessive “what-if” thinking: Your 16-year-old repeatedly asks, “What if I fail my math test? What if I don’t get into a good college? What if I never succeed in life?”

How Parents Can Help Their Overthinking Child

While you can’t stop your child from overthinking, you can teach them strategies to manage their thoughts and build resilience. Here are some practical ways to help:

Teach them to recognize overthinking

Help your child identify when they are overthinking. A good starting point is to name it:

• “It sounds like you’re stuck in an overthinking loop.”
• “I noticed you’re going over this decision again and again. Let’s take a step back.”

Encourage self-awareness by asking:

• “Is this problem something you can solve, or are you just spinning in circles?”
• “Are these thoughts helping you, or are they making you feel worse?”

Challenge unhelpful thoughts

Children often assume that their thoughts are facts. Teach them to question their worries:

• “What is the worst that could happen? How likely is that to actually happen?”
• “Have you been in a similar situation before? How did it turn out?”
• “If your friend had this worry, what advice would you give them?”

For example, if your child is anxious about a test, help them reframe their thinking:

• Overthinking: “If I don’t get an A, I’ll never get into a good college.”
• Reality check: “One test won’t define my future. I’ve studied, and I can do my best.”

Set a “worry time”

Allowing kids to have designated “worry time” can prevent overthinking from taking over their entire day. Set aside 10-15 minutes where they can freely express their worries. After the time is up, encourage them to move on with their day.

Example:

• If your child keeps worrying about an upcoming soccer game, you might say, “Let’s set a timer for 10 minutes. You can talk about all your worries, and when the timer goes off, let’s shift our focus.”

Encourage decision-making skills

Many overthinkers struggle with making choices because they fear making the “wrong” one. Help your child build confidence in their decision-making skills:

• Limit their options (e.g., “Do you want the blue shirt or the red one?”)
• Encourage them to make small, low-stakes decisions daily.
• Praise their ability to choose: “I love how you decided on your own!”

For instance, if your child takes forever choosing a meal at a restaurant, remind them: “There’s no perfect choice, and you’ll enjoy whatever you pick.”

Shift focus from outcomes to effort

Kids who overthink often worry about being “perfect.” Shift their focus to effort rather than results:

• Instead of “Did you win?” ask, “Did you have fun?”
• Instead of “Did you get an A?” ask, “What did you learn?”
• Instead of “Were you the best?” ask, “Did you try your hardest?”

By praising effort rather than perfection, you help reduce the fear of failure.

Teach relaxation and mindfulness techniques

Overthinkers tend to live in their heads. Help them stay present by introducing mindfulness practices:

• Deep breathing: “Breathe in for four seconds, hold for four, and exhale for four.”
• Grounding exercises: “Name five things you see, four things you feel, three things you hear…”
• Journaling: Encourage writing down thoughts to externalize worries.
• Guided imagery: “Imagine putting your worries in a balloon and letting them float away.”

Model healthy thinking patterns

Kids learn from watching their parents. If you tend to overthink, try modeling a balanced way of thinking:

• “I could worry about this all night, but instead, I’m going to focus on what I can control.”
• “I’m feeling unsure, but I know I can handle whatever happens.”
• “I made a mistake today, but mistakes help me grow.”

Seek professional help when needed

If overthinking is interfering with your child’s daily life, it may be helpful to seek an experienced child anxiety therapist. Therapy, especially solution focused brief therapy (SFBT), can help kids learn to overcome anxious thoughts and build confidence in their ability to handle uncertainty.

Final Thoughts on Overthinking

Overthinking can be exhausting for kids and teens, but with your support, they can learn to manage their thoughts in a healthier way. By helping your child recognize overthinking, challenge anxious thoughts, and practice mindfulness, you give them valuable tools for a lifetime.

Encourage them to take small steps toward embracing uncertainty and focusing on progress, not perfection. With time and practice, they can break free from the cycle of overthinking and enjoy life with more confidence and ease.

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If your child or teen is struggling with anxiety, there is hope! Anxiety is highly treatable and child therapy for anxiety treatment at Briefly Counseling can help.

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