Setting Your Anxious Child or Teen Up for Success
Parenting an anxious child or teen comes with unique challenges. You want to support them, but you also want to encourage independence, resilience, and confidence.
The key is to help them develop skills and strategies that will serve them in multiple areas of life—academics, social situations, emotional regulation, and future career success.
In this article, we’ll explore practical ways to set your child or teen up for success while addressing the underlying anxiety that can hold them back.
Cultivating Emotional Resilience in Your Anxious Child
One of the best things you can do for your child or teen is to help them develop emotional resilience. This means teaching them how to handle setbacks, disappointments, and uncertainty without becoming overwhelmed.
Example: managing a tough test score
Twelve-year-old Emma is a high-achieving student who struggles with test anxiety. After receiving a lower grade than expected on a math test, she spirals into negative self-talk: “I’m terrible at math. I’ll never get into a good college.” Her parents step in to reframe the situation. They acknowledge her feelings, but they also help her see the bigger picture: “One test score doesn’t define you. What can we learn from this? Would reviewing test-taking strategies or asking your teacher for help make a difference next time?”
By focusing on problem-solving rather than catastrophizing, Emma learns to handle setbacks more effectively.
Encouraging Independence and Problem-Solving
Anxiety often leads kids and teens to seek reassurance and avoid challenges. While it’s tempting to step in and solve problems for them, this can reinforce their fear of failure. Instead, encourage independence by guiding them through problem-solving steps.
Example: navigating a social dilemma
Thirteen-year-old Jake feels anxious about group projects because he worries about saying the wrong thing. Instead of letting him avoid them, his mom helps him brainstorm conversation starters and role-plays different scenarios. When he successfully contributes to his group’s discussion, he gains confidence in his abilities.
Building Time-Management and Executive Functioning Skills in Your Anxious Child
Anxious kids and teens often struggle with procrastination and time management because they feel overwhelmed by tasks. Teaching them executive functioning skills can help them stay organized and reduce stress.
Example: tackling a long-term assignment
Sixteen-year-old Mia has a history paper due in two weeks, but instead of starting early, she avoids it until the last minute. Her dad helps her break the task into smaller steps: researching, outlining, writing, and editing. They use a visual planner to schedule each step. By breaking the assignment into manageable pieces, Mia feels less overwhelmed and more in control.
Supporting Social Confidence
Social anxiety can make it difficult for kids and teens to make friends, speak up in class, or participate in group activities. Encouraging gradual exposure to social situations can build confidence.
Example: attending a birthday party
Nine-year-old Oliver dreads birthday parties because he worries about not knowing what to say. His parents start by having him attend smaller gatherings and role-playing common social interactions. Over time, he becomes more comfortable in group settings.
Helping with Perfectionism and Self-Compassion in Your Anxious Child
Many anxious kids and teens struggle with perfectionism. They set impossibly high standards for themselves and feel like failures when they don’t meet them. Teaching self-compassion and a growth mindset can help them feel more secure in their abilities.
Example: learning a new skill
Fourteen-year-old Sophie loves art but gets frustrated when her drawings don’t turn out the way she wants. Her parents encourage her to keep a sketchbook where she can practice without pressure. They also introduce her to famous artists who struggled early in their careers. This helps Sophie understand that improvement comes with time and effort.
Teaching Healthy Coping Strategies
Kids and teens with anxiety need effective tools to manage their emotions. Teaching them grounding techniques, mindfulness, and relaxation exercises can help them stay calm in stressful situations.
Example: handling public speaking anxiety
Seventeen-year-old Noah has a big presentation coming up and feels panicked just thinking about it. His mom helps him practice deep breathing exercises and visualization techniques. She also encourages him to practice in front of family members to build confidence. By using these strategies, Noah is able to manage his anxiety and deliver his presentation successfully.
Encouraging a Growth Mindset in Your Anxious Child
A growth mindset helps kids and teens view challenges as opportunities to learn rather than as threats. When they believe that abilities can be developed with effort, they become more resilient.
Example: overcoming sports anxiety
Eleven-year-old Lucas loves soccer but gets anxious before games, fearing he’ll make mistakes. His coach reinforces a growth mindset by reminding him that every athlete improves through practice. His parents echo this message at home, helping Lucas shift his focus from being perfect to making progress.
Modeling Healthy Anxiety Management
Kids and teens learn a lot from watching their parents. If you model healthy ways of managing stress, they are more likely to adopt those habits themselves.
Example: handling a stressful work deadline
When Sarah, a mother of three, faces a tight deadline at work, she openly discusses how she manages stress: “I’m feeling overwhelmed, so I’m taking a deep breath and making a to-do list to stay organized.” By demonstrating healthy coping mechanisms, she shows her children how to handle stress effectively.
Creating a Supportive Environment for Your Anxious Child
A supportive home environment can make a huge difference for kids and teens with anxiety. Encouraging open communication, validating their feelings, and maintaining predictable routines can help them feel safe and secure.
Example: establishing a calming bedtime routine
Eight-year-old Lily struggles with nighttime anxiety, making it difficult for her to fall asleep. Her parents establish a calming routine that includes reading a book, practicing deep breathing, and using a weighted blanket. Over time, Lily feels more relaxed at bedtime.
Seeking Professional Support When Needed
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, your child or teen may need additional support. Solution Focused Brief Therapy, like the kind I offer at Briefly Counseling, can provide valuable tools and strategies to help them manage anxiety.
Example: working with a child therapist
Ten-year-old Ryan experiences intense anxiety about school. After working with a child therapist, he learns practical strategies, builds skills and gradually faces his fears in a supportive environment. With time, he gains confidence and enjoys school more.
Final Thoughts on Setting Your Anxious Child Up for Success
Setting your anxious child or teen up for success means providing them with the tools, strategies, and support they need to navigate life’s challenges. By focusing on resilience, independence, social confidence, time management, and self-compassion, you can help them build a strong foundation for the future.
Every child and teen is different, so it’s important to tailor your approach to their unique needs. With patience and consistency, you can empower them to thrive in all areas of life.
Begin Child Therapy in Chicago, Illinois and Florida for
Anxious Kids and Teens!
If your child or teen is struggling with anxiety, there is hope! Anxiety is highly treatable and child therapy for anxiety treatment at Briefly Counseling can help.
Using Solution-Focused Brief Therapy, I help kids and teens reduce their anxiety and build resilience so they can become a happier, more confident version of themselves.
And kids love being able to receive counseling from the comfort and privacy of their own home. Studies have consistently proven that online therapy delivers equal results to in-office counseling.
As an experienced and caring child therapist in Chicago, IL and FL, I love providing counseling for anxiety. To start your child’s counseling journey, call me at 224-236-2296 or complete my Contact Form to schedule a FREE 20-minute consultation.
Helena Madsen, MA, LCPC is the founder of Briefly Counseling, PLLC. I specialize in providing online anxiety treatment for kids and teens ages 7 – 18 as well as Christian counseling.
Whether you’re on the North Shore, in Naperville, Chicago, Champaign, Barrington, Libertyville, Glenview, or downstate Illinois, I can help.
I am now licensed in Florida! For parents in Jacksonville, Pensacola, Destin, Crestview, Coral Gables, Weston, Parkland, Naples, Marco Island, and Pinecrest, I have immediate openings.
Schedule your appointment or consultation today. I look forward to working with your child to quickly and effectively help them in activating their strengths, resources, and resilience, in order to live with confidence and hope.
