Summer Sleepovers and Anxiety: What to Do?

Photo of 5 smiling school-aged girls of various ethnic backgrounds laying on their stomachs on a bed resting her chins in their hands. Photo could represent a summer sleepover and the girls having a great time together in spite of feeling some anxiety.

Sleepovers are a classic childhood experience. They’re filled with laughter, late-night snacks, games, and bonding with friends. But if your child struggles with anxiety, the idea of spending the night away from home can bring more stress than excitement. As a parent, you may wonder: Is my child ready? How can I help them feel confident and safe?

This guide will help you figure out when your child is ready for sleepovers (or sleep-unders), how to prepare for a successful night, and what to do if things don’t go as planned. With the right support, your child can enjoy sleepovers just like their peers — and even grow in confidence because of them.

Is My Child with Anxiety Ready for a Sleepover?

Not every child is ready for a sleepover at the same age — and that’s okay. Anxiety can make separating from parents, sleeping in unfamiliar environments, or managing bedtime worries more difficult.

Here are signs your child might be ready for a sleepover:

They’ve slept away from home before. This could be at a grandparent’s house or a relative’s home where they feel comfortable.
They can fall asleep without needing a parent in the room.
They can express their needs to another adult (like asking for water or saying they feel sick).
They’re excited about the idea of a sleepover, even if they’re nervous too.
They manage transitions fairly well (like going to school or attending playdates without a meltdown).

If these don’t apply to your child yet, that’s totally fine. Sleepovers aren’t a race or a requirement. There are other ways to help your child feel included and connected with friends.

Try a “Sleep-Under” First for Your Child with Anxiety

If your child wants to be part of a sleepover but isn’t ready to stay the night, suggest a “sleep-under.”

A sleep-under is when your child stays for all the fun parts of the sleepover (games, movie, pizza, pajamas), but you pick them up at bedtime to sleep at home. This gives them the experience of being part of the event without the pressure of sleeping away from home.

You can even build up slowly:

First time: Stay until 8:30 PM
Second time: Stay through the movie
Third time: Stay through lights out and reassess

Sometimes just knowing they have the option to leave makes kids more willing to stay.

Talk About Expectations of the Sleepover — and Worries

A few days before the sleepover, sit down with your child and talk about:

What will likely happen at the sleepover
What they’re looking forward to
What they’re worried about

Use open-ended questions like:

“What are you most excited about?”
“What’s one part you’re feeling unsure about?”
“If you start to feel nervous, what do you think might help?”

Normalize their feelings. Try saying:

“It makes sense to feel a little nervous about sleeping away from home. Lots of kids feel that way. Let’s make a plan together.”

When kids feel prepared, their anxiety often decreases. And when they know you expect that things might feel hard — and that that’s okay — they feel less pressure to pretend they’re fine when they’re not.

Pack a Comfort Bag for the Sleepover

Let your child help pack a bag with items that bring comfort and familiarity. Include:

Their favorite pillow or blanket
A stuffed animal (if age-appropriate)
Pajamas they love
A small flashlight
A book or coloring pages
A photo of the family or pet
A “coping card” with calming strategies (breathing, positive affirmations)

If your child takes any medication or has allergies or bedtime routines that the host should know about, communicate this clearly and privately with the hosting parent.

Do a Practice Run Before the Sleepover

If your child is especially anxious, do a mini sleepover at home:

Set up sleeping bags in the living room
Pretend it’s a sleepover — watch a movie, eat popcorn, play a game
Practice calming strategies if they get nervous
“Play out” what to do if they miss you or feel scared

This gives them confidence and shows that they can handle sleepover situations — with support.

Teach “What If” Coping Tools

Many anxious kids get stuck in “what if” thoughts. For example:

What if I can’t fall asleep?
What if I want to go home?
What if I embarrass myself?

Help your child come up with a plan for each one. For example:

“If I can’t fall asleep, I’ll read or use my calming app.”
“If I want to go home, I can call Mom or text her. We already have a plan.”
“If I feel nervous, I can use my breathing tool.”

Practice these before the sleepover so they feel automatic in the moment.

Communicate with the Host Parent of the Sleepover

Reach out to the parent hosting the sleepover to:

Confirm who else will be there
Ask about the schedule (dinner, movie, bedtime)
Share any key information about your child’s anxiety or needs
Make sure your child knows the parent is someone they can turn to if needed

You might say:

“This is Taylor’s first real sleepover and she sometimes gets anxious at night. Would you mind texting me around 9 PM with a quick check-in?”

Most parents are understanding and happy to help.

Create an Exit Plan (Just in Case)

Tell your child ahead of time that it’s okay to come home if they need to.

For example, you can say:

“If you want to come home at any point, just let me know. I’ll come get you. That doesn’t mean you failed — it just means you listened to your feelings and did what you needed. I’ll be proud of you either way.”

Sometimes just knowing they have permission to leave makes kids feel secure enough to stay.

If your child does call you in the middle of the night, stay calm and encouraging:

“You did a great job trying it out. We can talk more about what went well and what we might try next time.”

After the Sleepover: Reflect and Celebrate

The next day, talk with your child about how it went. Ask:

What was the best part?
What felt hard?
What are you proud of yourself for?

Even if they only stayed part of the time, celebrate their effort. Success isn’t just about sleeping through the night — it’s about taking steps toward independence and managing anxiety in new situations.

You might say:

“I’m really proud of how you handled that. You were brave and tried something new, even though it was hard.”

When to Wait on a Sleepover

If your child:

Has panic attacks at night
Can’t fall asleep unless a parent is nearby
Has separation anxiety that interferes with daily life
Frequently asks to come home from playdates or activities

…they might need more time before doing a sleepover. That’s okay. There’s no shame in waiting. You can still help them grow toward readiness by working on anxiety skills at home, practicing short separations, and doing daytime playdates to build confidence.

How Sleepovers Can Help Kids with Anxiety

Sleepovers might seem scary at first — but they can actually help your child grow in important ways:

Build independence
Practice flexibility
Try new environments
Handle unexpected situations
Strengthen friendships
Learn self-soothing skills

Even if it takes a few tries, each step forward is a win.

Final Thoughts on Summer Sleepovers and Anxiety

Sleepovers are a fun part of growing up — but for anxious kids, they come with extra challenges. With your support, planning, and patience, your child can learn to manage their fears, take healthy risks, and enjoy these special moments with friends.

Whether your child is ready for a full sleepover or just starting with a sleep-under, you’re helping them develop skills they’ll use for a lifetime. And no matter the outcome, your unconditional support and encouragement are what matter most.

Quick Tips Summary for Sleepovers

Look for signs your child is ready
Try a “sleep-under” as a first step
Pack comfort items and calming tools
Practice with a pretend sleepover at home
Help them prepare for “what ifs”
Make a clear plan with your child and the host parent
Normalize the idea that it’s okay to leave if needed
Celebrate progress — not perfection

With time and support, sleepovers can shift from a source of anxiety to a source of confidence.

Begin Anxiety Counseling in Chicago, Illinois and Florida for Anxious Kids and Teens!

If your child or teen is struggling with anxiety, including sleepovers, there is hope! Anxiety is highly treatable and child therapy for anxiety treatment at Briefly Counseling can help.

Using Solution-Focused Brief Therapy, I help kids and teens reduce their anxiety and build resilience so they can become a happier, more confident version of themselves.

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As an experienced and caring child therapist in Chicago, IL and FL, I love providing counseling for anxiety. To start your child’s counseling journey, call me at 224-236-2296 or complete my Contact Form to schedule a FREE 20-minute consultation.

Helena Madsen, MA, LCPC is the founder of Briefly Counseling. I specialize in providing online short-term anxiety treatment for kids and teens ages 7 – 18 as well as Christian counseling.

Whether you’re on the North Shore, in Naperville, Chicago, Champaign, Barrington, Libertyville, Glenview, or downstate Illinois, I can help.

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Schedule your appointment or consultation today. I look forward to working with your child to quickly and effectively help them in activating their strengths, resources, and resilience, in order to live with confidence and hope.