Supporting Your Anxious Child Through Loss of Friendships
When school starts back up in the fall, it’s common for kids to return and discover that their friend group feels…different. Maybe their closest friend from last year has grown close to someone else over the summer. Maybe the group dynamic has shifted, and your child no longer feels like they fit in. For kids and teens with anxiety, loss of friendships can feel especially confusing, painful, and overwhelming.
If your child is struggling with social changes when they return to school, you’re not alone—and neither are they. With some thoughtful guidance, you can help your anxious child navigate these shifting dynamics with confidence and resilience.
Why Loss of Friendships Happen During the Summer
Before jumping into how to support your child, it’s important to understand why these social shifts occur:
- New experiences over the summer: Camps, vacations, sports teams, and family time can all influence kids’ development. Some kids grow more independent or mature over the summer.
- New friends introduced: Summer break often brings new social circles. Your child’s best friend might have met someone new and started forming bonds.
- Identity exploration: Especially in middle school and high school, kids use the summer to explore their identities—what they wear, what music they like, what groups they want to be part of.
- Lack of communication: If your child didn’t stay in close touch with their friends over the summer, they may feel left out when school resumes.
These changes are normal, but for a child with anxiety, they can feel personal or threatening.
What Loss of Friendships Might Look Like for an Anxious Child
When social dynamics shift, anxious kids and teens often react with:
- Catastrophic thinking: “I’ll never have friends again,” or “Everyone hates me.”
- Avoidance: They may want to stay home from school or avoid lunch and breaks.
- Irritability or withdrawal: They might come home upset or not want to talk about their day.
- Rumination: Your child may replay conversations or interactions in their mind over and over, wondering what they did wrong.
These behaviors are signs that your child is feeling unsure of their place and overwhelmed by uncertainty. Here’s how you can help.
Tip #1: Normalize Loss of Friendships
Let your child know that friendships change—and that it’s okay.
Say this:
“Sometimes friendships shift over the summer. It doesn’t always mean someone doesn’t like you. People just grow and change. It happens to everyone.”
Use your own examples if possible: “I remember going back to school one year and realizing my best friend had started hanging out with a different group. I felt hurt and confused at first, too.”
Why it helps:
Kids with anxiety often feel like they’re the only one experiencing something. By normalizing the experience, you reduce shame and help them feel less isolated.
Tip #2: Avoid Over-Reassuring—Get Curious Instead
It’s tempting to say, “Don’t worry—they’ll come around!” But sometimes that’s not true. Instead, take a curious and supportive approach.
Try this:
- “What have you noticed that feels different?”
- “What part of this situation is bothering you the most?”
- “What do you wish would happen right now?”
These types of questions help your child feel heard and supported. You don’t need to fix the situation. Your job is to be a safe place to land.
Why it helps:
Over-reassurance often backfires. Anxious kids are wired to seek certainty, and when you give it (even if you’re guessing), it can increase their anxiety when reality doesn’t match.
Tip #3: Coach, Don’t Control
You might be tempted to email the teacher, call the other child’s parent, or encourage your child to say something specific. Resist the urge—unless safety is involved.
Instead, guide your child in thinking through what they can do:
Say this:
“If you want to keep the friendship going, what’s one small thing you could do? A text? Sitting near them at lunch?”
Or, if the friendship seems to be drifting apart:
“What would it look like to start connecting with someone new this week?”
Why it helps:
Empowering your child to take small, intentional actions boosts their confidence and problem-solving skills. They begin to believe they can handle hard things—an antidote to anxiety.
Tip #4: Help Them Identify the “Good Eggs”
Encourage your child to look for peers who make them feel safe, seen, and respected. This might be someone in their class, a teammate, or a neighbor.
Say this:
“Sometimes we need to open our eyes to new people who are kind and welcoming—even if they aren’t who we expected to be close with this year.”
Activity idea:
Have your child write down the names of 2-3 kids they’ve interacted with positively, even briefly. These can be “seedling” friendships that grow with time and effort.
Why it helps:
Anxious kids often hyper-focus on who’s left them out. Redirecting their attention to potential sources of connection helps broaden their social vision.
Tip #5: Strengthen Social Confidence When Loss of Friendships Occur
Practice short social interactions at home. For example:
- Making eye contact and saying “hi”
- Joining a conversation already happening
- Asking someone to hang out or work together on a project
Role-play scenarios that are likely to come up, such as what to do if someone ignores them, or how to respond if they’re invited to join a game or group.
Why it helps:
Social anxiety thrives on fear of the unknown. Practicing common interactions ahead of time makes the real thing less intimidating.
Tip #6: Watch for Signs of Deeper Struggles
If your child continues to struggle with overwhelming anxiety or becomes depressed due to social changes, it might be time to seek extra support.
Signs to watch for:
- Refusing to go to school
- Ongoing sadness, irritability, or crying spells
- Complaints of stomachaches or headaches before school
- Total withdrawal from peers
What to do:
Reach out to the school counselor or a licensed therapist who specializes in anxiety. Early support can prevent longer-term struggles.
Tip #7: Reframe the Moment
Help your child see this moment as part of a bigger story.
Say this:
“I know this hurts right now, but this doesn’t define you. Friendships change. You’ll get through this, and you’ll learn more about yourself in the process.”
Encourage your child to focus on what they can control—how they treat others, how they take care of themselves, and how they show up each day.
Why it helps:
Anxious kids often think in terms of forever: “It will always be like this.” Reframing helps them see this moment as temporary—and survivable.
Real-Life Example: Emma, Age 13
Emma came home from the first week of 8th grade in tears. Over the summer, her best friend Ava had gone to a volleyball camp and grown close to new friends. At lunch, Emma found herself sitting alone.
Emma’s mom listened calmly, validated her feelings, and said, “It makes sense you’re hurt. You didn’t expect things to change that much.”
Instead of calling the school or Ava’s mom, she helped Emma think of one new person she could reach out to. Emma remembered that a girl from her science class had been friendly. She sat with her the next day—and while it was a little awkward at first, it went well.
Over the next few weeks, Emma began forming a new group of friends. She still missed Ava, but she no longer felt like she was drifting alone.
Tip #8: Help Them Fill Their Bucket
Friendships are one part of your child’s life—but they aren’t everything. When friendships are rocky, boost their confidence and mood by filling other buckets:
- Activities they enjoy: Art, sports, music, reading
- Positive adult relationships: Quality time with parents, grandparents, mentors
- Service and kindness: Helping others can lift their own spirits too
Why it helps:
Kids with anxiety sometimes believe social rejection means they’re unworthy. Filling their life with meaning and connection in other areas reminds them of their value.
Tip #9: Stay Calm and Connected
Your calm is contagious. The more you stay grounded, the more your child can, too.
Remind yourself:
This is part of growing up. Social shifts are hard, but they are also opportunities for growth. Your child doesn’t need you to fix it—they need you to walk with them through it.
Make space each day to connect—even 10 minutes in the car or during dinner can be powerful. Use that time to check in, listen, and remind your child that they are deeply loved, no matter what happens at school.
Final Thoughts on Loss of Friendships
Watching your child struggle with friendship changes is hard, especially when anxiety is part of the picture. But with your steady presence, validation, and gentle encouragement, your child can grow stronger through these challenges.
Friendships may come and go, but the skills they build now—resilience, self-worth, and courage—will serve them for a lifetime. And your belief in them? That’s the anchor that will carry them through.
Want extra support this school year? Consider reaching out to me, Helena Madsen, LCPC at Briefly Counseling. I specialize in working with anxious kids and teens and am accepting a limited number of new clients starting now in August. A little help can make a big difference.
Begin Anxiety Counseling in Chicago, Illinois and Florida for Anxious Kids and Teens!
If your child or teen is struggling with anxiety, there is hope! Anxiety is highly treatable and child 
therapy for anxiety treatment at Briefly Counseling can help.
Using Solution-Focused Brief Therapy, I help kids and teens reduce their anxiety and build resilience so they can become a happier, more confident version of themselves.
And kids love being able to receive counseling from the comfort and privacy of their own home. Studies have consistently proven that online therapy delivers equal results to in-office counseling.
As an experienced and caring child therapist in Chicago, IL and FL, I love providing counseling for anxiety. To start your child’s counseling journey, call me at 224-236-2296 or complete my Contact Form to schedule a FREE 20-minute consultation.
Helena Madsen, MA, LCPC is the founder of Briefly Counseling. I specialize in providing online short-term anxiety treatment for kids and teens ages 7 – 18 as well as Christian counseling.
Whether you’re on the North Shore, in Naperville, Chicago, Champaign, Barrington, Libertyville, Glenview, or downstate Illinois, I can help.
I am now also licensed in Florida! For parents in Jacksonville, Pensacola, Destin, Crestview, Coral Gables, Weston, Parkland, Naples, Marco Island, and Pinecrest, I have immediate openings.
Schedule your appointment or consultation today. I look forward to working with your child to quickly and effectively help them in activating their strengths, resources, and resilience, in order to live with confidence and hope.
