5 Ways to Get Your Teenager to Talk to You
As a parent, it can be tough trying to get your teen to talk to you. Science has shown that the teenager’s brain has yet to fully develop the frontal cortex, which is the area that controls our ability to reason and to think before we act.
As your teen’s brain develops, they’re also learning new things about themselves and their surrounding world. Simultaneously, they’re dealing with hormonal changes beyond their control which can feel awkward and confusing.
Anxiety Can Cause Distance in Teens
There’s no doubt that teens are facing a lot of challenges right now – COVID-19, remote learning or a hybrid version of school, social isolation, loss of dreams as well as relational, emotional, and financial stressors. These challenges can cause fear and anxiety in even the strongest of adolescents.
As parents, it can be really difficult to know how to help your child through this tough season, especially if they’re not doing much talking. It can feel bewildering at times for them and certainly for you as well. One day they’re chatting up a storm and the next, they’re quiet or combative. What’s a confused parent to do?
5 Ways to Get Your Teenager to Talk to You
While finding ways to talk to your teen or getting them to talk to you might be difficult, it’s not impossible. Here are 5 suggestions you can try.
Learn to Listen
Take the time to listen to your teen when they want to talk. Instead of saying that you’ll talk to them
later, step away from what you’re doing and listen to what they have to say. Don’t talk, interrupt or be quick to offer advice; just listen.
Teens have thoughts and experiences that their parents don’t know about, and the best time to listen to them is when they’re asking to talk to you.
Put Yourself in Their Shoes
As you listen to your teen, your knee jerk response may be to quickly resolve their issue, offer advice or maybe even dismiss their complaints or opinions.
Instead, put yourself in your teen’s shoes. Think about how you would feel if your spouse responded to you in the way you respond to them.
Watch for Signs
Everyone has a desire to be heard and understood. As you talk to your teen, mirror back to them what you hear them saying. Watch for signs that they’re not being heard or understood by you.
They might roll their eyes, shake their head, wave their hand at you or interrupt. When they’re nodding and/or silent, you’ll know you’ve understood.
Ask Specific Questions
Instead of the general, “How was your day?”, why not ask about a friend you know by name? Or about a sport they participate in or a teacher they like?
Ask open-ended questions such as, “What was Mr. Burton’s class like today?” or “What was the best thing that happened today? What was the worst thing?”
Location, Location, Location
When and where you try to talk to your teen matters. One of the worst times to talk to teens is after school. Just like you do after work, they need time to wind down. Instead, ask questions around the dinner table. It’s casual and there’s no pressure for eye contact.
The car is another great place to talk to your teen (unless their friends are in the backseat). They tend to feel more comfortable talking in the car because you’re not looking directly at them.
Begin Online Therapy for Kids and Teens with Anxiety in Illinois and now Florida!
If your child or teen is struggling with anxiety, there is hope! Anxiety is highly treatable and online anxiety treatment at Briefly Counseling can help.
Using Solution-Focused Brief Therapy, I help kids and teens reduce their anxiety and build resilience so they can become a happier, more confident version of themselves.
And kids love being able to receive counseling from the comfort and privacy of their own home. Studies have consistently proven that online therapy delivers equal results to in-office counseling.
As an experienced and caring therapist, I love providing counseling for anxiety. To start your child’s counseling journey, call me at 224-236-2296 or email Helena@BrieflyCounseling.com to schedule a FREE 20-minute consultation.
Helena Madsen, MA, LCPC is the founder of Briefly Counseling. I specialize in providing online short-term anxiety treatment for kids and teens ages 7 – 18 as well as Christian counseling.
Whether you’re on the North Shore, in Naperville, Chicago, Champaign, Barrington, Libertyville, Glenview, or downstate Illinois, I can help.
And effective 2024, I am now licensed in Florida! For parents in Jacksonville, Pensacola, Destin, Crestview, Coral Gables, Weston, Parkland, Naples, Marco Island, and Pinecrest, I have immediate openings.
Schedule your appointment or consultation today. I look forward to working with your child to quickly and effectively help them in activating their strengths, resources, and resilience, in order to live with confidence and hope.
